


The Fine Line Between Romance and Embarrassment

by twoseas



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Flashbacks, Fluff, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nile getting to know her new immortal family, Pastries as a love language, and a cinnamon bun, because she deserves it, part cafe hangout, part dramatic get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25892038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoseas/pseuds/twoseas
Summary: Nile asks Joe and Nicky how they got together. She learns that Joe isn’t always as smooth as he seems and sometimes Nicky makes the dramatic speech. Andy just enjoys the ride.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 93
Kudos: 882





	The Fine Line Between Romance and Embarrassment

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been very happy to see us all going collectively feral over The Old Guard. I went in for Charlize Theron being the killer of men, came out absolutely in love with them all. Also, Marwan Kenzari and Luca Marinelli can get it. A surprisingly thirsty introduction for a fic that is entirely romantic speeches and sitting in a cafe. 
> 
> Please, enjoy!

**Now**

Nile sat back and observed Nicky and Joe, taking in their easy affection. They had a silent sort of dialogue even as they chatted amiably with Andy and Nile. Hands on hands, forearms, and shoulders. Nudged elbows. Quick smiles. Raised eyebrows. Nicky would push his plate towards Joe without looking, Joe would rise and turn to the counter, already going for Nicky’s refill before asking Andy and Nile whether or not they needed one. There was a comfortable way they fit together, sharing space in the truest sense of the word.

“So,” Nile brought up during a lull in their conversation, Andy biting into a custard pastry while the couple sipped at their coffees. “How did you two get together?”

“Ha!” Andy laugh-coughed, flakes of pastry dusting her shirt. 

Nicky covered his face, hiding a grin. “It’s an embarrassing story, Nile.”

“It’s a very romantic story,” Joe countered with a smirk. He pressed a firm kiss to Nicky’s reddening cheek. 

“Anything that makes Andy laugh like that,” Nile pointed at Andy, the aforementioned woman chuckling to herself while she knocked the crumbs from her chest, “is something I need to hear.”

Joe sat up straight and lowered his voice several octaves as he launched into his dramatic retelling. “Nicolo and I were locked in an eternal, futile battle. Our swords drew blood and we courted death again and again, but there was no permanent end to either of our lives. Always we would reawaken at the other’s side. Undoubtedly we were bound by fate, destiny demanding we lay down our swords and end our fight.”

Nile beamed, leaning in towards Joe as he weaved his tale. Her rapt attention stood in stark contrast to to Andy and Nicky’s fond eye rolling. 

“We formed a tentative truce,” Joe told her solemnly, though his eyes crinkled impishly. “This hauntingly beautiful invader and I.”

Nicky smacked Joe’s shoulder with the back of his hand. 

“Together we travelled, sharing our languages to the best of our abilities. Naturally, as an educated man of the world, I learned much quicker.”

Nile waited for Nicky to get offended, but instead he met Joe’s eyes, face completely blank. “Yes, you’ve always had a talented tongue.”

Andy snorted into her coffee cup. 

After a blink-and-miss-it heated look for his love, Joe continued, voice somehow even more dramatic. “Slowly we got to know each other, our enmity transformed into the warmest friendship, an unbreakable bond. We stopped killing each other and started to trust, fighting as one against injustice and protecting each other from harm.”

He placed a hand on his heart, mouth forming a lovelorn pout. “While I had undeniably lustful thoughts from the very beginning of our truce, my entire being was quickly overcome with the purest of affections.”

“Sure it was,” Andy intoned, sharing a look with Nicky. 

Nile snickered.

“I loved him, this foreign man with eyes like the sea and skies,” Joe purred, looking at Nicky through his lashes. “But how to tell him, to see if he felt even half of what I myself felt?”

“Please, tell her your brilliant plan,” Nicky said with a deceptively friendly smile. 

Joe bowed his head. “I decided to make him jealous.”

“No!” Nile half shouted, slapping a hand down on the table. “That’s a horrible idea!”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Joe shrugged, voice returned to its usual conversational pitch and volume. “When we passed through settlements, I flirted outrageously with anyone and everyone.”

“What else did you do, Joe?” Nicky urged, sipping at his still steaming drink with a placid expression. 

“I also teased him about his…lifestyle,” Joe admitted with a slight wince. 

“What lifestyle was that again?” Andy asked, matching Nicky’s tone. “I’m not sure Nile knows.”

“He was a priest,” Joe informed her with a sheepish tilt to his mouth. 

“This is awful,” Nile told him, somehow delighted and horrified at once. 

Andy got up without a word, walking over to the counter to order more food. 

Nicky put on a pretty good impression of Joe. “Nicolo, we must find you a woman. Truly you have not lived until you’ve experienced the joys of a shared bed. Oh, you have no interest in women, surely a man then. When we next pass through a city, I will find you a place. What? You have no desire. Nicolo, that is simply because you have yet to try it!”

“Noooo,” Nile bemoaned, covering her face in secondhand embarrassment. “Why didn’t you try, I don’t know, your poetry! You’re so good at that.”

“Yes,” Nicky agreed. “I’ve often wondered that myself.”

“What were you thinking?” Nile demanded.

“I loved him more and more each day. If he left me in disgust, I don’t know what I would have done. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable if he didn’t return my feelings,” Joe huffed out a self-effacing laugh.

“So he decided to make me uncomfortable about other things,” Nicky told Nile matter of factly. “Very reasonable.”

“And I was distraught that it wasn’t working.” He looked upward, a disbelieving set to his brow that seemed to be aimed at his past self. “It appeared to be having the opposite effect. Rather than declaring his love for me, Nicolo seemed to grow only more stoic and unreadable. He smiled less, he no longer laughed. And soon he stopped talking to me except about practical matters. We passed the time in silence on his side and desperate attempts to draw him in on mine.”

“Imagine that,” Nile muttered sarcastically. 

“Tell Nile the best part,” Andy ordered, dropping down new pastries for the four of them. Nile was stuffed, but she couldn’t ignore the frankly indecent looking cinnamon bun that was pushed wordlessly at her. 

Arms crossed, Nicky regarded Joe with an expectant look. Joe made a face, but remained suspiciously silent. 

She powered through a big bite, swallowing harshly so she could ask, “What’s the best part?”

Looking like a man sent to his execution, Joe met Nile’s curious gaze. “I figured perhaps the people I was using were the problem. They were obviously fleeting flirtations, the two of us always moving onwards to follow where our shared dreams led us. They were nothing like my Nicolo, who was a fellow warrior, a trusted confidant, and…who I had dreamed about before our truce. Nicolo, with his pale skin and his light eyes.”

Nile started to sort through the information, connecting the dots. “No,” she whispered. “You didn’t.”

“He did,” Nicky told her. 

“I started to speak of the pale, light eyed woman from our dreams as a sign…” Joe searched for the words. “Of our future. That she was…”

“Don’t be shy,” Nicky teased. “Joe told me the dreams were a sign that he and Andy were meant to be married.”

“Oh my god,” Nile exclaimed from the deepest part of her chest. 

Andy smirked before taking a sharp bite.

“I thought the similarities would be enough!” Joe cried, laughing helplessly. “I thought Nicky would see what I really meant or that perhaps, if he felt the same, he would use the similarities to make his own confession.”

“That is so stupid,” Nile shut him down mercilessly. “They were both white with green-blue eyes and had probably cut a man in half and for some reason you, what, thought Nicky would recognize that and believe you wouldn’t mind so long as he met those criteria? And then he’d declare his love for you? Were you crazy?!”

“Yes,” Joe allowed. “Probably. But in my defense, I had been travelling with the man I was hopelessly in love with for quite some time. Shared fires, shared beds, glimpses of him bathing. His kindness, his selflessness, his generosity. His capacity for understanding. His tenacious attempts to learn my language. His protectiveness. Everyday I saw a new aspect of my beloved to cherish and hold dear. I was driven mad by it all.”

“That was a sweet explanation, I’ll give you that, but the rest of it is a mess. I thought you said this was a romantic story?” Nile gave him her best unimpressed glare. 

“Embarrassing,” Nicky chimed in. “I said it was an embarrassing story.”

“Oh, Nile.” Shoulders back, grin widening, Joe looked far more smug than any man should after admitting to the nonsense he just admitted to. “I never said I was what made the story romantic.” 

**Then**

Yusuf watched Nicolo from the corner of his eyes, taking in the stern set to the man’s shoulders, the thinning of his lips. Nicolo’s unreadability had turned to irritation the last few days and Yusuf wondered if he was succeeding and his plan would finally prove fruitful. Perhaps the irritation was a good sign? Maybe Nicolo was struggling with his love and what it meant with his culture and religion. Maybe Yusuf just needed to be patient. Then again, maybe Yusuf needed to push a bit more.

“What shall you do when we find them?” Yusuf asked, tone purposefully light. “When I wed, you should as well. The axe wielding woman’s companion, she may take a fancy to you.”

Yusuf silently, desperately hoped that wasn’t the case. If his Nicolo ever joined with another…the thought had Yusuf torn between sobbing his despair and taking up his sword to satisfy his rage.

“No,” Nicolo told him shortly. 

“And why not?” Yusuf prodded. “You’re quite the catch despite having once been a priest. And a little inexperience is forgivable if the enthusiasm is there.”

“Even if she wanted me, which she will not, I will never take a wife.” Despite the increase in the quantity of words, Nicolo’s statement felt as terse as his monosyllabic no. 

Worse still, Nicolo’s expression was back to unreadable, a distant, almost cold look in his eyes

“Maybe she’ll be a mentor then,” Yusuf mused in a poor attempt to enliven Nicolo’s dear features. Yusuf rubbed his chest, remembering the crossbow in Nicolo’s arms, the intense focus of his gaze, and a particularly quick death. “You like projectiles. She can teach you the use of her style of bow. When we find them, I think it will be a good thing. The four of us together.”

“When we find them, I will ask what they know of us and what we are,” Nicolo told him, eyes facing determinedly forward. “When I know what they know, I will leave.”

Yusuf stuttered to a stop, eyes widening as he gawked at Nicolo’s rigid back. “Leave. You will leave? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean what I say,” Nicolo told him, stopping to allow Yusuf to catch up, but still refusing to meet Yusuf’s gaze as he stared ahead. 

“Then you mean you and I will leave,” Yusuf corrected, a deep sense of foreboding chilling his gut. 

“No.” His voice was as cutting and sure as his blade. 

“You can’t,” Yusuf declared, shaking his head in utter disbelief. He stared at Nicolo’s profile, searching the beautiful features he had committed to memory in hopes of understanding what was behind such terrible, frightful words.

Nicolo’s jaw clenched, the muscles of his neck straining. “I must.”

The threat of tears stung Yusuf’s eyes. “No, you have to stay. You have to stay with me.”

Nicolo spun around, fast as a viper. “Why would I do that?”

Yusuf reeled back from the sudden ferocity after so much cold calm. “Nicolo…”

“Why would I stay, Yusuf?” Nicolo demanded, eyes flashing like the hottest fire. Yusuf felt the heat as if it were a real, tangible thing. “Why would I remain where I am unwanted.”

“Unwanted?” That was impossible, untrue. “Nicolo, what are you talking about?”

“You want the woman,” Nicolo spat. “You speak of her every waking hour and even at night my dreams are not safe from her.”

“I was just joking,” Yusuf tried to cover, the dawning realization of what he had done filling him with guilt and regret. “Of course I was joking. We both suspect what the women must be to each other.”

“Fine!” Nicolo shouted, voice loud enough to have Joe jolting in shock. His Nicolo rarely shouted, especially not since they left the battlefield. “Fine. You do not want the woman. And she does not want you. But if not her then it will be the fruit vendor. Or the widow. Or the woman at the well. Or the city guard. Or countless other people who are not me!”

“Please listen, I-”

“You think me heartless?” Nicolo asked, the anger and venom that sharpened his sweet voice replaced by a desperate sadness that splintered Yusuf’s heart to hear. “You think me an unfeeling man? What could possibly make me stay, Yusuf, when all day, every day I see you want everyone but me? I have much to atone for and I know I deserve this torment, but must I live such a life for the rest of my days, no matter how long that may be? It pains my very soul. I care for you more than anything, Yusuf. More than my country, more than my people, more than my church, more than my God. They will call me blasphemous, you may call me mad, but even now I can say that I have loved nothing and no one so much as you.”

“But what am I to you?” Voice breaking, accent thick, Nicolo met Yusuf’s gaze with a fractured, mournful gaze made shiny with building tears. “Nothing. You are light and laughter. You are warmth and sunlight. Your poetic words amaze me. Your tender heart shames me. Your bravery and skills humble me. Your beauty astounds me every moment I am blessed enough to behold it. You are everything, Yusuf al-Kaysani. And I am nothing but a foreign invader in an unjust war. A man who killed you again and again and took far too long to realize the great sin he committed in taking you from this world, even if just for a moment.”

Yusuf stared in astonishment, his body hot and agitated, his soul screaming out in joy.

Taking a deep shuddering breath, Nicolo cut his gaze down to the ground. “I had hoped that being your friend would be enough. It needed to be enough. But it is not. I expect nothing of you, whatever my feelings are, but please don’t ask me to stay and watch as you choose others. It is a pain I am too cowardly to bear. You are my heart and my purpose. I will love you everyday, I will choose you every moment, and I shall never have anyone who is not you. But I will leave.”

Nicolo turned his head away and drew his fingers across his cheeks, scrubbing away the now freely falling tears. 

Unable to wait another breath, Yusuf rushed forward, pulling Nicolo into a rough kiss. 

His heart broke as Nicolo shoved him away. 

“What are you doing?” Nicolo demanded, fresh tears cutting new tracks across his dusty visage. 

“Nicolo, I-” His voice cracked, his tongue unable to form explanation or apology as emotion obstructed his throat. He wondered if he could survive the pain of this rejection or if it would be the cause of his final death.

“You have my heart, Yusuf,” Nicolo sobbed, pounding his hand to his chest. “Do not force me to take your pity.”

Heartbreak replaced by firm resolve, Yusuf grabbed the sides of his beloved’s treasured face and forced him to meet his eyes, to see the sincerity etched into every bit of his being. “My Nicolo, you’re a fool for thinking any of those people come close to what you mean to me. And I am something worse for making you believe it.”

“I don’t understand,” Nicolo sniffled, brow furrowed. 

Yusuf pushed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. “You say I am your heart and your purpose. You are mine, Nicolo. I love you.”

Nicolo tried to protest and pull away. “Yusuf, don’t lie to me, I-”

“I am not lying,” Yusuf assured him firmly, his own salt tears falling from his eyes. “And I will never stop trying to prove it to you.”

Yusuf had so many words for Nicolo - poetry he composed in the dead of night, long orations expounding on his beauty and goodness, confessions of his true and lasting love. So many things he needed to tell his love, his soul’s match.

But for now, in this moment, he could say so much more without speaking. 

When he kissed his Nicolo again, no one was pushed away. 

**Now**

“Ok, Nicky,” Nile declared, eyeing the red faced man like she had never seen him before. “You have some game.”

Joe gave her a sly look. “Yes, he most certainly does. And people think me the romantic.”

Nicky slouched in a halfhearted attempt to hide under the table, an attempt that was quickly stopped by Joe’s arm around his waist. “I was…quite upset. I am not normally one for speeches.”

“Why don’t you tell Nile what happened after we met?” Andy suggested, a devilish gleam in her eyes.

“Ah,” Joe exhaled, looking like Andy had brought up an actual sore topic. “Well. I told the story.”

“And Andy didn’t kill you when you got to the part about her?” Nile asked, fully surprised. “I mean, she’d know you’d come back. So I would get it if she killed you.”

“He probably wishes I did.” Andy popped a torn piece she stole from Nile’s cinnamon bun into her mouth, her body language radiating superiority. 

Joe hissed at Andy in a language Nile couldn’t understand though the sentiment came across loud and clear, even over Andy’s cackle. 

“So what did you do?” Nile asked Andy, seeing as Joe decided glaring at Andy while Nicky stroked his back soothingly was a better use of his time than finishing the story. 

“I took Nicky over to the nearest village and married him instead,” Andy tossed out with a lazy wave of her hand. 

Joe snapped something else in another, possibly different language Nile couldn’t understand. Andy just arched her eyebrow.

Nile burst out laughing, unable to hold it in.

“Yes, yes, very funny. So hilarious that the love of my life married our friend before he married me,” Joe sulked, looking well and properly put out about it. 

Nicky stroked the back of Joe’s head down to the nape of his neck. His hand remained there, solid and comforting. But his eyes were turned towards Andy, the two of them wearing subtly puckish smiles. 

“Bullshit,” Nile realized with a gasp. She pointed at Andy, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “I’m calling bullshit!”

Joe blinked, brow furrowed, while the other two regarded Nile with identical proud looks. 

“You didn’t marry him at all,” Nile accused, smile growing. “You’ve just been screwing with Joe.”

Andy put her hands up in both surrender and acknowledgment, though she still looked way too pleased with herself. 

Joe sputtered, completely aghast. “You-you- how could you!?”

“Oh, come on,” Andy rolled her eyes. “Like I was going to marry a man I barely knew just to get back at some jackass who used me to make him jealous?”

“My Nicky, why would you go along with it?!” Joe demanded, eyes wide and affronted. 

“Amore mio,” Nicky muttered affectionately. “You tortured me with jealousy, of course I went along when Andy made the suggestion. And I’m offended you believed it for this long. As if I would ever marry someone who was not you, even for revenge.”

Joe pulled Nicky in for a breathtaking kiss that had even Nile feeling a little hot under the collar. He drew away slowly, pressing smaller, sweeter kisses to Nicky’s lips. Nicky chased after the kisses, a dreamy smile gently curling his lips.

Then Joe immediately began cursing Andy and Nicky out in Italian.

Thanks to his and Nicky’s lessons, Nile was able to make out the really good swears over Nicky and Andy’s laughter. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Andy: Well, there goes one of my best long term jokes.  
> Nile: Wait, one of? How many do you have?  
> Andy:  
> Nile: Don’t walk away from me, Andy, how many do you have? What else have you lied to us about?! Andy?!


End file.
